Dreams

I felt like editing/deleting a few posts. That wouldn't be honest though. But I am not anyways. Whatever, I won't.

I'd really like to watch Requiem for a Dream.


The House Where We Grew Up by Hammock

I feel so caught between two worlds and flabbergasted by both of the different and tremendous possibilities they both offer. And a lot of anger, and it applies to people I do and do not care about.

I hate being so afraid to open up, but really it just stems from cutting down everything I feel. I don't think the occurrences are worthy of their affects on me. I've been told this and I believe it. When it comes down to it though, I'm just fragile. I'm just weak. And anytime I fool myself into thinking I have some ounce of strength, it corrodes me even more.

Dreams in the past few days (It's quite strange that I remember them...)
         1. I felt like I was tripping on cid. It was a really bad trip though. And I was lucid for the first time ever in this dream. All I want to do was wake up. I felt trapped and suffocated by my body. When I finally did wake up, I was cold and sweaty and scared. So I went into the bathroom and sat in the tub for a few minutes to calm myself down.
         2. I got kidnapped on an island. Usually in a scary movie or story, there's a "good guy" that at least tries to save the afflicted people. My dream wasn't like that. Everyone was truly bad. And when the others who were kidnapped with me started out scared and hopeful, they then turned to acceptance and transcended contentment in the pain and torture we experienced. I was constantly fearful and scared.
        3. I was raped by a black man (not African-American, but the actual color black) in this beautiful, sunny field full of tall wheaty grass and flowers. It was so strange having something so terrible occur in such a beautiful place. It wasn't violent either. He was just very strong. I woke up screaming.

I don't know what to think about them.