Monday, May 6, 2013

What I Don't Realize

Yesterday, I was really down. With all the shit going on with my mom. But then I figured that I'm really the only one in control of my happiness. That moment when I finished the sentence (before this one)  blew my mind. I Am in Control Of So Much. I feel so alone for the majority of the conscious time, like I havn't really connected with anyone, as I did with Iryne. Well, I guess I'll meet people when it's right, when it's natural. 
Anyways, yesterday, I went down to a pawn shop so I could have so dolla bills to spend in Wicker or in B/C. I ended up getting way more money than I had imagined I would, and while leaving the shop glanced at a few guitars on the wall. This hairy, old dude (who's probably passed the pipe around numerous times in his earlier days) asked me if I played guitar. I said 'yes' and it started. I talked to the dude about blues and music for an hour and walked out with a beautiful red electric Ibanez and a little amp. He guaranteed me free lessons whenever I wanted as well. Then I went on a few errands with Andrew and we had some tacos to celebrate Cinco de Mayo. I came home to unadulterated and relentless silence issued by my mother. Right before I went to sleep, she started yelling again. I feel like the main problem with both of us is that any time we argue or fight, she thinks she can only be right and I think I can only be right. I tried to explain to her that I'm trying to figure out who I am, and where the line between being selfishness and compromising yourself lies. 
I have an interview at Trader Joe's Thursday along with my AP test. Let's hope both of those pan out will. I know they both will if I apply and be myself. 

It's so easy to just sit at home and waste myself away and drown myself in a pool of self-pity. Right now, i know it'll happen but I know I will never be how I used to. Constantly feeling sorry for myself won't get me anywhere, spiritually-wise, career-wise, you name it. 

If I save up enough money, I would like to enroll in a class at the Old School of Folk Music. They have a music class where all you do is learn music by Nick Drake. How bitchen' is that!!

                    

No comments:

Post a Comment