Shit.
I felt terrible. She found out about the acid, the stealing, my cutting, everything. She wants me to go to rehab or NarcoticsAnonymous meetings. I think she's right. I've known I've had a problem. I just never thought I had the will or strength to be clean and honest. I used it as an escape. I don't use drugs for the right reasons. Usually, I smoke or roll to feel happy. I keep bouncing back to what my mother thinks is right and then to the drugs. I don't know what is what. I fucking hate that. I hate that I feel so sad and so full of emotion when I believe there's no reason for me to feel like that at all. I don't think I've been through much compared to others.

I'm sorry, Ely. I don't know why I just apologized or what for, I just felt like I had to. You are a beautiful person. Truly. My mom told me a bunch of things your mom recently told her about yours and her relationship. I kept telling her every relationship is a two way street. I don't know what to do with us though. I'm kind of locked up. And that's justified. Reed fell out of my kitchen window, because I left it open while I smoked in my apartment. I can't believe how all I've spiralled downwards. I keep having reoccurring trips, bad ones. I'm not trying to blame you for anything. I guess I'm just trying to persuade myself that what I did was bad. I've hurt my mother so much.