Cheese, Wine, and Water Bottle Bongs

Some places just have a certain feel. Like when I lived in California last year, or Crystal Lake Central or Prairie Ridge. Or even here. They were different phases. I just remember being a certain way in each of the places I've been to or lived in. I miss California weather. I miss how the stripes of light made by the blinds of my windows warmed my room, even though it was all dark and grey. And how anytime Dad and Monica would fight or scream or yell, I would take my little brother in my room and listen to music or take pictures. And then he'd say my music was weird. But he would say it in a tiny, cute voice so it was okay. I miss all the sawdust in the garage from daddy's woodshop projects. And how he was so proud of me when I would talk about turning pens or making wood joints (not the marijuana kind lol). Some places just have a different atmosphere or theme. And the feel of Iryne's room, and cuddling with her and making pipes or looking up chakra and palm reading stuff. She had the most kind demeanor of anyone I'll ever know. I remember when we first hung out, it was really awkward. She told me later that that was because she was looking for flaws in me. She always said she tried to find people's flaws first so she could accept them and learn to love them. I always keep the letter that she sent me with me, along with the little pressed flower she sent with it. I miss her very very much.

When I was hanging out with Eddy yesterday, he asked me something very interesting. He inquired if I had ever felt that I'd lost myself, like characteristics or how I walk or talk to execute the smallest of things. I told him that it happens to me a lot. He replied that it happens to him a lot as well. Then I said that all we can do is recover to find ourselves, to do things that turn you on, or stimulate you. After we chilled, I went to the Old Town School of Folk Music and bought a tambourine. Then I went to a French restaurant and conversed in French with my waitress and ate incredible food full of cheesey goodness. I can't wait until I live in Paris. I can't wait.

Something strange occurred when I was at a cafe with Eddy though. "Don't Think Twice, It's Alright" by Bob Dylan played around me, and I thought about people, about Manny, and it was similar to when I was listening to Imagine on the bus. This overwhelming feeling washed through me and I started to tear up. It just made sense. Life, breathing, waking up, walking, talking... it all had a sufficient purpose, like realizing that the mere fact I was alive was such an amazing blessing. Life just made sense for a few moments.